i'm constantly worried that i might be pissing off SOMEbody. my brilliant solution to this is to just keep to myself. this unfortunately leads to a heightened susceptibility to my potential depressive state.
having just typed this i realize i can't really continue to discuss this subject in such a public manor (due to the possibility of being seen as exploitive or self-pitying... [fear of judgment?]).
but in the same vein:
i had to leave town late wednesday nite. it was a matter of self-preservation. i'm feeling much better now and am hoping to return home being just as creatively productive as i had been before i left. but at the same time i hope that i can be with people (outside of settings which require money to be spent) and maintain a positive self-image; i.e. assume everyone is not tired of me/annoyed by me/thinking about me.
(though i always prefer the truth)
CHECK OUT THAT DOUBT! it's constant.
but seriously (for future reference)... tell me if you find me shitty. because i have nothing but good intentions... i just have very few skills in emotional management.
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11 years ago
2 comments:
i find myself obsessing over the exact same things. its not that i care what people think...its like i just want everyone around me to feel comfortable. and i constantly worry that i am pissing someone off or that they feel negatively about what i am doing for whatever reason. so lame! that kind of internal dialogue is hella dumb. lets just stop, shall we?
i would certainly LOVE to take a lesson from this logic. unfortunately i'm the worst student when i'm my own teacher. but it certainly does help to have these functionality flaws as an avenue to relate to people with the same deficiencies. builds a support network pretty quickly... theoretically.
but yes. let's just stop.
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