secondary charts

EV CO9

Samson C02



senn e609 silver

responses

senn e935 (jimmie's)




NT3


990




NT1-A (come back to me)

send non reference output buses to premaster aux (drums get their own aux as well). eq7 calibration as last insert. premaster aux and references should be only outputs to monitors. (try multiple master faders for separation)

on individual track inserts: trash to liquidmix to ozone3... don't forget to try a little tape warble after the liquidmix. highly compressed tracks require more volume automation. even fades should be interesting: i.e. effect automation increases in opposition to volume.

drum mic test #1

for citrus friends.

alternate fingerings

be the last

makin time with Shame
nothin ever seems to go your way
and it'll never change

in my dreams i will wait
forever and a day
for you to go home
this might be the last breath ya take

help ain't on the way
everyone's got everythin they want
but you don't

while you're flyin your blue ribbon
(won'tcha please understand me some)
knowin everything and no one
what you've seen
it has been from the insides

no regards to luck
yeah nothin ever seems to go your way
and it'll never change
this might be the last breath ya take

lowly standard opinion
content to rank above none
knowin nothin and everyone
what you've seen
it has been from the insides

Acoustic Memo

dancin'sauce

you can be serious
well so can i
but i do better if i don't, i find

you can be an idiot
and so can i
it's so much easier to make up my mind

too far gone
quixotic dogs
run all along
can't find a bone
hair matted in hot sauce
i see dances of facing lines
spin and slave
misbehave and make
everything we always wanted

we can be oblivious
and close our eyes
and take an easy way to fake surprised

too far gone
in hot,
saucy dances of facing lines
spin and slave
make everything we
always wanted

Acoustic Memo

hiding outside

(b. carraux/c. taylor)

these reminders wash away this brain
down-turned mouths outside this house
doubts try creeping in
dying suddenly

how can we be lonely

whatever it takes...
stay here
whenever it happens we will disappear

how can we be lonely

kindling, spending time outside
falling, sprawling out
in our hearts we can hide

Demo w/ CWS

REsketch

...

big smiles.
big brains.
big hearts.

...

HEY! YOU (that's me). uuuhhhh... TITLE.

a reminder:
this page is called "reminders".

a new rule: i am no longer allowed to remind myself of negative subject matter without finalizing it with a positive direction.
[not saying that previous posts haven't been just that, but i thought i should be more decisive in the definition of my intent]

like the words i have had permanently embedded in my skin, this digital domain should be one more place that i look to for positivity. i have too much darkness within that needs to be expelled and forgotten. there is no need to be reminded of it (without the intention of historical documentation in order to curtail future mistakes of the same nature/pattern)... because there is always plenty more to come. the best way i've found to combat this is with constant reminders of the positive mindset that i have come to realize as the only helpful resistance tactic.
this of course is all ignoring the underlying understanding of the necessities of the negative so that the positive can exist, and all that taoist blahgedyblairgh. that's a conversation... not a monologue.
but YEAH. no more bitching.
haven.
reminders.
PIECE.

wow.

wow.
life is continuously stupefying and amazing. everything seems to be spinning more and more out of control. maybe if i were a surfer or a cyclist i could make up some badass analogy of this situation. my brain is so out-of-sorts... i can't seem to keep up with anything. i'm back to feeling like it's all just a big waiting game... and this is no way to live. don't get me wrong... in the face of all this uncertainty and potential for horrible, rotten nastiness i'm still holding on to a great deal of optimism. i'm pretty sure of a few things:
- i don't know how to keep my emotions in check without my support network.
- missing another boone summer could be highly detrimental to the future of my emotional well-being.
- working on joel's album is the only immediate progress i can make in the pursuit of furthering any continued opportunities to produce the type of art i want to be making for the rest of my life.

there's where i am.
not too much doom and gloom. just some huge questions.

more light, please.

unfortunately i am currently harboring quite a bit of bitterness. this is counterproductive in the pursuit of a better emotional state. most of the bitterness is being projected onto people who i believe dislike me for many reasons. i don't think these reasons are justified or even valid... but i also have no real proof (other than my intuition) that they currently dislike me at all.
i am also bitter about my current state of self-preservation (myself being almost entirely at fault)... and really feel like a complete failure in that sense.

as an update to the previous post:
i have become very dissatisfied with all the music i have been working on. i am unable to be my own muse/sounding board. i still need joel. i would probably also feel better about my productivity if i would just focus my work on joel's album. though i haven't finished a demo (or even been happy with the songs i've written) in about a year now... so i'm starting to get a little selfish. but as always i am unable to play or record (things that are above barely audible decibel levels) in front of/around people. this means no vocals, acoustics, amps, horns, or percussion. (which only leaves direct electric guitars, direct bass, and midi instruments.) so i wait the majority of the day (including this current moment) for people to leave the house. something about this equation has to be changed. unfortunately it is still unsafe for me to live alone.

i am in a really dark place right now. fortunately i can still see some light.
such as:
derek is playing guitar and singing out in the sunshine. i can see him (and slightly hear him) through the window in front of me. it is beautiful.

me, me, me... yeah, yeah, yeah...

with every weblogging i find myself hesitant to talk about myself. i have to keep reminding myself that even when we think we're talking about things outside of ourselves we are still talking about ourselves. that is: what we experience. we do not have experience without ourselves. our self is what gives us the ability to witness and interpret everything. if we deny this we cut ourselves off from further opportunities to learn. (TADA! JUSTIFIED.)
with this in mind i will share something that i rarely do. something i usually hide until questioned: artistic intent. specifically a new musical direction for myself.
soon after some recent recording sessions with Seth i decided to challenge myself to take a large step onto a different personal path. usually i find myself writing songs that are (musically) quite simple, somber, and (lyrically) all too literal. i have long enjoyed listening to this kind of music (apart from my own lyrics which i am rarely happy with), but have grown weary of what feels to be a wallowing in my own filth. for almost a year now i have had the urge to make music that is faster, louder, a little bit more disjointed, and perhaps teetering on the edge of insanity (or maybe just over-the-top silly... in a slightly obscure way).
the very same day (valentine's) that i made the decision to chase this illusive idea down this new avenue... little melodies, chord progressions, and lyrics began to FALL OUT OF ME... and have continued to do so since then. multiple songs are starting to form and new internal personalities/characters are starting to contribute their two cents to the content and melodic styles.
i'm kinda beside myself. i don't remember EVER being this [musically] productive on my own. i still feel like i need Joel... (i always feel like i need Joel)... especially because he has been a major part of the inspiration in taking on this endeavor (along with being present at one of the very beginnings of a song; currently with the working title: "runnin nothin"). i'm still not lyrically satisfied... yet more satisfied than i ever have been previously. i find the lyrics making very little literal sense... but a great deal more poetic than songs passed.
i never know how songs will be received by listeners... and it is important to me that at least a few people do enjoy their experience of music that i've assembled (though i always prefer honest reactions and blunt critiques)... but most importantly i want to enjoy the process of making those compositions/recordings. ideally i would be able to enjoy them after the they're "finished". more ideally: as if someone else made them and i was hearing them for the first time.
yeah. i'm aware. without amnesia or severe dementia this is pretty much impossible.
additionally: recording parts for Joel's new record (to be released on djangokill records!) is a crap-ton of fun. though i can't wait 'til all this theoretical internet collaboration is done and we can sit down together and finish it.
now i'll stop rambling.

(constant fear of judgment) ego/anti-ego.

i'm constantly worried that i might be pissing off SOMEbody. my brilliant solution to this is to just keep to myself. this unfortunately leads to a heightened susceptibility to my potential depressive state.
having just typed this i realize i can't really continue to discuss this subject in such a public manor (due to the possibility of being seen as exploitive or self-pitying... [fear of judgment?]).
but in the same vein:
i had to leave town late wednesday nite. it was a matter of self-preservation. i'm feeling much better now and am hoping to return home being just as creatively productive as i had been before i left. but at the same time i hope that i can be with people (outside of settings which require money to be spent) and maintain a positive self-image; i.e. assume everyone is not tired of me/annoyed by me/thinking about me.
(though i always prefer the truth)
CHECK OUT THAT DOUBT! it's constant.
but seriously (for future reference)... tell me if you find me shitty. because i have nothing but good intentions... i just have very few skills in emotional management.

(non-emotional) desperation.

i'm pretty sure the only way to get a job in this town is "to know someone". if anybody hears of ANY employment opportunity, PLEASE let me know. the classifieds are barren.

i know this is not the typical use for weblogs or even the appropriate forum, but... see post title.

nothing.

once again i'm questioning everything.
i'm only entirely sure about one thing (and those who know me know what that is... but i'm almost certain people are sick of hearing me talk about it).

i don't know what i'm doing here. it's like i'm just biding time. and i don't know how to be with myself.
it's this kind of mood that makes me burn journals and delete online personal information.
i'm retreating into an imaginary hole. i'm about to run. but i have nowhere to run and no means to do it.
i don't know how to be with myself.
i want to be with people. but i feel like i wear out my welcome so easily... and seemingly so quickly. and who wants to be with someone who feels so damaged so often?
i keep sucking it up. it's getting fucking old. if this is the rest of life, i'm done.
i'm questioning everything.
and i don't know how to be with myself.

to physically intuit... or a ramble in search thereof.

i have several fantasies. one of these is that one day i will no longer take my intuition for granted. when i pay attention, it consistently astounds me. specifically my ability to recognize goodness in people. initially this could be misinterpreted as a horribly judgmental practice... until you live with the results of paying attention to what your insides are telling you. something is built-in. and it functions accurately. much like the smell of another person. some physical chemistries between people JUST WORK. for me it's horribly apparent when they don't. when i ignore this basic instinctual safe-guard, it inevitably results in a negative outcome. it is THERE. and it's there for a very basic evolutionary reason concerning the procreation of the species... which i will take no part in, but nonetheless. the body speaks to us. granted, short-circuits occur and there are flaws built-in (and by this i mean propensities that would cause the brain to literally self-destruct). but consistent, long-term signs should not be ignored. chemistry... taste... smell... some people just smell like home. even the "worst" smells that their body produces are comforting. when morning-breath is comforting... you're onto something... but more than that... if it ISN'T comforting... RUN... tactfully and taking into account the essential value of that person on this planet... run. not saying that this is a guideline for anyone but myself. but a beautiful woman reminded me today that i've had the privilege of experiencing more love in my short life than most people could hope to experience in many lifetimes. another beautiful woman reminded me once that not only am in love with two of the most amazing people on planet... but they love me. a mixture of intuition and instinct brought me to this point in my life. i hope one day i will have the faith in myself to act upon both of these blessings more readily. there is a difference between instinct and intuition... but for me the line is very blurry.

one.

so here it is. why would you want to read this? why would i want to write this? i'm assuming it's the seemingly futile attempt to overcome the aloneness that is a constant for all of us.
how can we be enough for ourselves? i don't think we can. some have to keep the fire while others must find food to put on it; and then supposedly others have to artistically portray the hardships of those actually doing the work. not to exclude the fact that most of us are genetically programmed to procreate for the survival of our species...
but to avoid rambling any further and keep this entry a generic introduction: here's an attempt at portraying a piece of me. this will be yet another avenue for honesty... and i'll do my best to be as forthcoming as possible without overstepping any boundaries that may impede upon the emotional well-being of others. though as is in my nature, coming up with topics with which to create a monologue could potentially become a problem... though that would be less to keep up with, and therefore more honest.